We were galloping through Sam's Club trying to get our weekly groceries as expeditiously as possible. We were nearing the finish line via the cafe to grab the boys a quick, totally nutrition-free lunch, when I smelled something where it shouldn't be. Lochlan had started laughing hysterically about 3 minutes prior to my nasal awareness. It became apparent that he had pooed his pants. He's 14 years old!!!
I had a moment of absolute uncertainty about what to do.... He's too old by a long shot for me to take into the women's restroom. And yet, how could I ask my other boys to resolve the problem without me? Declan and Kelton whisked him off to the restroom and were gone for a few minutes, only to return with a still very-smelly Lochlan. We decided the easiest resolution was to check the load, see if it was possible to just dispose of it (and possibly the undies) and then get home as quickly as possible for a more thorough cleanup. The whole process was mortifying for everyone except Lochlan who seemed completely unconcerned.
I get frustrated on days like this. We are making so much progress and yet these things remind me that we have so far to go and sometimes I wonder how far we will ultimately get. Keeping positive focus and forward motion is so important for all of us, but discouragement is real and I do battle it periodically.
On his fourteenth birthday, we took Lochlan to Bearizona to see the wild animals. It was a cool morning and the animals were very active. The Grizzly bears came right up to where we were standing and had whole conversations with us. It was such a gift! In the gift shop we told Lochlan he could get any stuffed animal he wanted. After showing him over a dozen with only repugnant reactions from him, he finally found a pretty large black stuffed bear in the clearance basket. It was the cheapest bear in the whole place and he absolutely adored it!
For almost three weeks he hasn't gone anywhere without that teddy bear. He even took it to OT as a riding companion. Two days ago, it's nose came off. That afternoon, we found the bear in tattered shreds covering the backyard. Lochlan was laughing hysterically. That night when he went to bed he cried himself to sleep because he missed "Beary". It was heartbreaking!
In talking with Allie, his therapist who knows him so well and whom I trust implicitly, we decided we should probably replace the bear because the consequences of losing the bear and future bear opportunities are simply not processed by him in way that one might predict or expect. We decided to use this as a learning/teaching opportunity: kindness is caring for the things we love and not destroying them. So, Merry the Moose (happily rescued from an obliging thrift store) undoubtedly has numbered days, but he will be a catalyst for learning. And, at present, he is filling a big part of this boy/man's heart.
It's complicated. It always is. Just when I think I've got this, I trip, fall, and usually scrape my knees. This didn't come with a training manual, so I walk awkwardly forward, and probably not always in the right direction (backwards???). So, if I can find the road tomorrow, I'll follow it. If not... I'll go spend some time at my tree. :-)
