Today was an almost complete waste of a day. I did manage to get groceries against my better judgement as the roads were flooded in large sections of the entire state due to all the rain. However, outside of that one productive action, it would be difficult to give an account of this day, unless I included puzzle building (a truly fruitless activity because it turns out that I absolutely stink at puzzles and I apparently passed that down genetically) and reading. Even making all three meals today was a challenge for me. I think I woke up, took my cues from the elusive Peaks which had disappeared behind the bank of rain clouds.

I really struggle with being wasteful of time. As I become older, the gravity of "life is short" is more acutely understood. Time is more precious. Energy is more precious. I hold the ones I love more closely. And I confess, I have a harder and harder time letting any day, any hour go to waste. I really don't relish being lectured by my readers about the need for rest, the value of down time and all that other important stuff; I know it's true. I'm writing this because I've been recently recognizing and processing the various truths (good or ill) in my life and since this blog is a record of life for my boys, perhaps it will be useful for them to see (familial) patterns in their future selves.

Admittedly, I have difficulty spending time doing nothing. If I don't sleep my full 8 nightly hours, the potential for compensating for those hours in another way simply does not exist. Naps are mostly impossible in a bustling one bedroom house and even if the quiet was available for such luxuries, my brain would be unlikely to grant me that pleasure. The (potential for) wasted hours haunt me.

There is a list of responsibilities that dictates the rough outline of every day in my week. I fill in all the subcategories with the responsibilities that hover, the ones that exist in faint pencil lines of the big picture. And in the margins I hypothetically jot down all the extras, the important don't-forgets. The primary outline points are priority, require organization, and utilize my general skill set. The items which fill in my subcategory list are important, though usually less time-sensitive (though not always; the overflowing septic tank waits for no one). My subcategory list also requires skills that I often have yet to acquire. So, time is a commodity that becomes rather more beloved and coveted.

I have so much less tolerance for wasted time: time spent waiting (in lines, for things to happen, etc.), time spent investing in things (or relationships) that will likely be fruitless, time spent working hard only to watch it wash away (metaphorically or in reality). I want the minutes, and not just the hours or days, to reflect my value of time, my love of this life and the people I share it with.

I am grateful for the life I've been given. Admittedly, rest may not be a high enough priority and I will give that further consideration. I am endeavoring to identify (within myself) the difference between a wasted day and restful day. ;-)